To Alfons on your 18th
birthday (2012-03-11)
Becoming an adult at 18 is
a legal milestone in our country and culture .. And note, "It's
not voluntary!" .. either from our side as your parents, or from
your side as a young adult. Welcome to the world of living with your
choices!!
Parents can and do try to teach their children many things – but some
things are only learned -- 'by doing it on your own'.
An important example of this kind of challenge
for you as you launch out into the beginning of adulthood, is in learning the
elusive, but all-important balance in life that's so important.
- Not to much – not to little
- Not to conservative and
careful – yet not to rash and daring
- Allow your emotions and
feelings to guide you -- but not to lead you astray.
- Stand firmly by your
principles and be proud of them, -- but still find ways to
honourably navigate around the people and experiences in life that defy your moral
values.
- Don't be ashamed to do
your 'own thing' - to 'march to your own drummer' -- but at the same
time show respect and admiration to those around you who are still strugggling
to find their own 'beat' in life.
- Work hard, and strive for
excellence and gain -- but still leave generous time and place for
the little unplanned opportunities of the day. - Opportunities
for little smiles, for encouragement, and simple expressions of
kindness and understanding, that often will open up to you in your
life amongst others. This is far more important for your fulfillment and
happiness than most other things you may do.
This balance
isn't something learned in books – but life will teach it, as
it still is trying to teach us all.
Alfons, we do trust you, but
both your mother and I have stumbled in this process often enough
ourselves, to feel a certain suspense as you launch out into life on
your own. This is just because we love you.
A great English writer
wrote a famous poem to his son, somewhat on this subject. I would like to share
it with you. Rudyard Kiplings
"IF" is long, so I have
just chosen 4 of its 8 verses - Don't miss the last one.
IF
IF you can
keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and
blaming it on you, If you can trust yourself when all men doubt
you, But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can
wait and not be tired by waiting, Or being lied about, don't deal
in lies, Or being hated, don't give way to hating, And yet
don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can
bear to hear the truth you've spoken Twisted by knaves to make a
trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to,
broken, And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
And now the sum of it
all!
If you can
fill the unforgiving minute With sixty seconds' worth of distance
run, Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it, And -
which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!
Sincerely,
Your dad and mom
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